Candle Etiquette
The gracious reasoning to light or not to light candles on a buffet during the day. At a recent baby shower we discussed this southern tradition and the origin story.
Were you taught not to light candles before 5:00 pm? Did your grandmother also teach you that it was proper etiquette to make sure if you had candles out during the daylight, to snuff or blacken the candlewick? I’m not sure when I learned this tradition but it was drilled into me as a child. This past weekend I attended a dear family friend’s baby shower and got there early to help set up. The candles were set beautifully on the buffet for a 2:30 pm tea party. Being the Aunt Nellie-bossy-pants-school teacher that I am, I asked if we were snuffing or lighting the candles. The sisters looked at me like I had three heads. With approval of the mother-to-be to share the lesson, I give you the old fashioned, but gracious reasoning behind this tradition.
But first, how can this precious child be having a baby already?!!! Lilly, nicknamed forever Lillafred, is one of four daughters of our beloved friends Dale and Melissa. Melissa was my Bible study leader in Georgetown and we’ve known each other for close to 25 years. This photo is from our Christmas trip to Oahu in 2004, one month before I met my beloved Eric for the first time. I think Lilly was 9 ish in this photo. She’s now old enough to have a baby.
Sean and Lilly are the cutest couple who met in college and are finally moving back home after being out west for a few years. To say we are all thrilled to have the first grand baby girl in the family is an understatement. We can’t wait to see our pals as grandparents.
Emma even flew into town from Australia to celebrate the new baby. As we were setting up she asked where the tradition of blackening the candles came from, so I had to do a deep dive:
From The Charleston School of Protocol and Etiquette:
Have you ever heard people say, “you should burn the wicks on new candles when you put them on display”…do you know why?
As we all know, there was a time when people did not have electricity and everyone used candles to light their homes. Then with the invention of the light bulb, the people that had money and could afford electric power to light their homes, no longer used candles.
It has been said however, in order not to embarrass those who could not afford electricity; it was considered a polite gesture to burn the wicks of the candles on display so it was not known who had electricity…..and who did not.
Candle etiquette sheds a little light on the subject, by teaching us once again, the most important rule of etiquette…letting people save face and not embarrassing anyone.
As almost littlest sister May put it so nicely, “This is a thoughtful, inclusive reason that I never would’ve known.” I agree May May. I do believe most of the best traditions that have stood over 100 years do stem from a place of kindness, not pretentiousness.
The candle wicks were burnt, then immediately blown out and we were ready to celebrate the new baby.
We couldn’t be more excited for Lilly, and then to get the best news that May is due in November. Little Daisy(far R) was 1 year old when Dale and Melissa hosted our engagement party. To see her as a college student now just blows our minds and warms our heart. We send our continued love and best wishes to our extended DC family as it continues to grow. We could not be more excited for all of you.
Have you ever heard about this candle blackening tradition? Do you think it still matters?
That is so neat.. beautiful shower! Thank you for sharing the history behind this tradition.
So interesting!